Future Games Network -- Disney's The Lion King: Simba's Great Adventure (PSX) Review

Disney’s The Lion King: Simba’s Great Adventure (PSX)
Developed by Paradox
Published by Activision
In My Humble Opinion
Michael Askounes

Say what you will about Disney (a.k.a. "The Other Evil Empire") with its strong–arm financial tactics, its archaic social policies, and the hush–up policies of its theme park internal police forces. Chances are, even if you can’t stand Michael Eisner and his brand of kiddie–crack, you’ve chuckled at a Mickey Mouse cartoon or shuffled your kids off to see the latest, forcibly–multicultural–feature film starring a cast of animals voiced by today’s hottest stars. Yes, it seems that Disney has quite a stranglehold on the children’s entertainment market, so as a parent it’s often better just to accept the fact that your kids would rather spend their free time with Goofy than with you. It’s a tough life.

Once you’ve accepted Disney into your life, you will also have a better time dealing with the shortcomings of Activision’s latest PSX title "The Lion King: Simba’s Great Adventure". "The Lion King" is your basic, run–of–the–mill platformer wherein you assume the role of a young Simba and guide him to his crowning as king and his eventual uniting of the two warring lion tribes (Oh BUGGER, I just ruined the end). Throughout the game, you’ll find yourself hopping across the great African outback, which is curiously landscaped so that no two pieces of rock are ever too far away to reach by jumping. You’ll also be harassed along the way by various animals out to get you — ranging beetles (yes... beetles) to ferocious lionesses. As you progress, you’ll also find yourself battling such boss "monsters" as three pouncing hyenas, the evil lion Scar and his niece Zira. All the while you’re helped along by the lovable duo of Pumbaa the warthog, Zazu the bird, Fritz the Cat (just seeing if you’re paying attention), and Rafiki the monkey.

The developers at Paradox paid immense attention to realism in the details of their game — and their work shows. As any seasoned African explorer will tell you, the landscape of the Dark Continent is peppered with paw–shaped coins that unlock future levels, floating gourds that unlock secret "mini–games", and giant letters that spell out S–I–M–B–A, which in turn unlock movies. The movies are ripped directly from the original Disney movie and its straight–to–video sequel, so you’ll see so "Director’s Cut"–type footage here. The movie segments are used to set the plot for each level, but taken as a whole, they make no sense whatsoever. This makes the game feel more like you’re simply jumping through a bunch of levels rather than taking a part in an ongoing story.

Simba does have some defenses against the killer beetles and rabid mice that are encountered in the game. Simba can pounce on his enemies, somersault through his enemies, light his enemies on fire with a blowtorch (just checking again!), or stun his enemies with his deafening roar (although it’s more like an annoying meow in the first few levels of the game). "The Lion King" is more about jumping then combat, but there are enough enemies — especially at higher difficulty levels — to keep you on your toes. Some enemies, such as the high flying birds that swoop down and peck at you, will drive you absolutely crazy. They can be VERY difficult to dispatch and will often knock you off balance, resulting in Simba plummeting to an untimely demise.

OK, so we’ve got a cutesy jumping game where you collect coins and stomp beetles. What could go wrong? Well, I’ll tell you. Early in the game, you’ll realize that the physics model (and I apologize to all other physics models for using the phrase) is UBER–sensitive and will more often than not send your little, furry avatar spiraling off a cliff. After about the tenth time this occurs, the likely result is that your PSX controller will suddenly spiral from you hand toward the television. It’s as if the game was deemed too easy, so the developers decided to throw in a lousy jumping model and poor camera angles to ensure that the game lasts more than 30 minutes. Speaking of which, that’s another flaw — the game is far too short.

Now I realize this game is targeted toward the younger crowd — (warning, lame analogy approaching) kids with the attention span of a speed–addicted gnat with a pituitary gland disorder. However, this game is heinously short — clocking in at under three hours even for someone with the reflexes of a (oh oh, here comes another one) alcoholic shrew wearing lead lined underpants such as myself. Try telling Squaresoft that kids can’t handle more than 3 hours of game play.

Along the course of the game, you’ll be treated (and I use the term loosely... actually I use the term because I can’t think of a better one at the moment) to a few mind–numbing "mini–games" that are light on the "games" and heavy on the "mini". One of the games is a simple version of Concentration where Simba hops around on rocks attempting to find matching pictures. Another one of these mini–games has you catching bugs. Can’t you just feel the excitement? Fortunately, one of these mini–games has you playing as a stick–wielding monkey using your staff to pummel rabid hyenas — an idea that in my mind could be stretched out into an entire game. Unfortunately, these games can hardly be considered rewards for a job well done in the game proper — they’re really just more junk with which to stretch out the game’s playing time.

Once you’ve made it through the game’s nine levels (that’s right... only nine), you can certainly expect to be treated to a secret character or a fantastically rendered finale. Right? Wrong. What you get when you finally finish the game is one of those sliding tile puzzles that you used to get at the end of dentist’s office visit. Gosh — maybe for the sequel they can reward the successful gamer with a tetanus shot or bamboo under the fingernails.

If you’re looking for a game where you can spend two hours happily stomping on insects and collecting paw–shaped coins, and one hour falling of the same %*&$^ cliff, then by all means buy "The Lion King: Simba’s Great Adventure." However, I would suggest you take my advice and just go straight to the dentist’s office.