As you can see, a partially lobotomized piece of fruit can sometimes have more sense than a couple of highly–trained and well–educated game designers. And here with Giants: Citizen Kabuto (Giants) we have just such a case. Giants has so much potential — the cut scenes are Monty Python–funny, playing three totally different races is a blast, and the graphics are simply gorgeous. But Planet Moon had a momentary lapse of reason and totally ruined the game by not implementing an in–game save feature. It’s one thing to marvel at Giant’s beautiful landscapes during a mission — it’s totally another thing to do so four or five times as you try to progress past your current mission. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again — not implementing an in–game save for a PC title is totally ludicrous and is an insult to the game–buying public.

Giants kicks off with a bunch of pint–swilling British boys ("Meccs") who have their intergalactic Spring Break cut short by crash landing on an unfamliar planet. Before you can say "I’ll bet something strange is going to happen", you’re backbone–of–England team of mouthy, beer–swilling, womanizing soldiers find themselves in the middle of a three–way battle royale for control of the planet. First we have the Smarties, little comical giant–headed, bug–eyed creatures that are sort of the planet’s whipping boys, being abused and eaten at every turn. The second batch of inhabitants are the shapely "holy moley, we better put a bikini on those things or else K–Mart won’t sell our game" Sea Reapers. These sexy, blue–skinned babes are hell–bent on re–taking control of their planet, and their leader has nefarious plans for the other inhabitants. During the Sea Reaper missions, you play as Delphi, rebellious and compassionate daughter of the bloodthirsty leader.

The third, and perhaps most interesting race, isn’t really a race at all as much as it is a Japan monster–movie nightmare named Kabuto. This hulking slab of muscle and attitude isn’t terribly happy with the other inhabitants of the planet, and sets out to bash up homes, eat Smarties as if they were extrerestrial M&M’s, causes earthquakes, and basically creates overall havoc on anything or anyone dumb enough to stand in the way. With some great cutscenes, a very interesting premise, and three quite different playable races, you set of on what seems to be a promising journey with Giants: Citizen Kabuto.

However, you quickly run into the first sign of trouble with Giants when you realize that there is NO IN–GAME SAVE SYSTEM! You must complete a level before the game automatically saves the game — meaning that if little Johnny just punctured his lung on a steak knife, he’s just going to have to wait until you fight your way through Giants’ levels before you can drive his wheezing little body to the emergency room. What can possibly get into developers’ minds when they decide to eschew the PC’s ability to perform advanced functions such as "file storage" and ignore in–game saves is totally beyond me. I think the developers from Planet Moon should be punished by disabling the file–saving features on their workstations so that THEY have to retype the same code every single day.

Giants’ control scheme is also quite confusing and takes a while to get used to. The game definitely could’ve used a tutorial mission, but instead you get a reference card with over 20 keyboard commands with which to learn your way around the landscape. Fortunately, the basic keystrokes remain the same across the three playable races, so once you move on from controlling the Meccs to the Sea Reapers and Kabuto, you should be well–adjusted to the system.

The graphics in Giants are absolutely wonderful, with lush rolling hills, jagged cliffs, and reflective lakes dotting the landscape. The downside to all this optical goodness is that you’ll have to have quite a system to be able to play the game at any detail level higher than 1983 EGA Monitor. I played the game on a P3–500 with a Voodoo3 and 128MB RAM and I had to turn the detail levels to their lowest just to obtain a decent frame rate. I understand that a P3–500 isn’t exactly cutting edge, but it certainly should be sufficient enough to run a game engine...

Game play in Giants is a mixed bag — combining moments of brilliance with moments of tedium in approximately equal portions. The enemies, such as the never–ending stream of flesh–tearing "Rippers", or the nasty schools of "don’t even THINK about coming into the water" piranhas are interesting and challenging enough. Circle strafing is the order of the day when engaging Rippers, or the male Sea Reapers, and computer game veterans should have little problems dispatching most of the game’s adversaries. There are some pretty boring sequences as well, such as when you’re running along seemingly endless stretches of terrain to get to the level’s next "checkpoint". Having to make these treks once wouldn’t be so bad, but since the braintrust at Planet Moon forgot that you could actually SAVE GAMES on the PC, you’ll get to make these boring jaunts every single time you have to replay the mission. This, my friends, gets frustrating real quick.

It’s truly a shame that shoddy execution and poor design decisions ruined what should have been a much more interesting action title. The playable races are distinct and enjoyable to play, the cut scenes are drop–dead hilarious, and the overall "feel" of the title is festive and fun. But, if I wanted to play the same level over and over multiple times, I’ll just go out in my living room and flip on my PlayStation. Perhaps if there’s a Giants 2 (and I think there should be), the developers will come to their senses and stop punishing their customers in the name of making the game more challenging.