First, Seaman is NOT a game, and it’s not a toy. It’s a virtual pet, just like the little Tamagotchi things that were the fad a few years back. From the first time you create a Seaman that you save on your VMU (which consumes a massive 64 blocks), the clock is ticking. No matter how long you “play” Seaman, your creatures will develop at somewhat the same rate. And they’ll grow, get hungry, sleep, and starve for attention even when the Dreamcast is off. This is not a title you can play over three days and then not touch for a week. You’re going to have to check up on Seaman once or twice a day if you want your charges to stay alive. You’re not buying a game — you’re buying a part–time job.

For your diligent care, you’re rewarded with the opportunity to watch your Seaman grow and develop. They begin as an egg, which explodes into little creatures called mushroomers, which transform into little Seaman, which grow into bigger Seamen, etc. Along the way, there are a few “puzzles” to solve with your Seamen, but nothing approaching a game. Nope, the real appeal in Seaman is interacting with your creatures, whether by tickling them, smacking them around, asking them simple questions, or reading them poetry with a little microphone packaged with the software. I don’t recommend the poetry — Seamen have no sense of rhythm and never seem to get the deeper meaning of The Rime of the Ancient Mariner. In fact, they have difficulty understanding more than three words strung together, so most communication with Seamen is best done with simple statements and questions like “eat?”, “sleep?”, “fun!”, and “stupid–head!”

Yes, Seamen do understand “stupid–head”. Don’t expect many logical responses from the Seamen, but anticipate surprises. Ever so often, your Seamen will launch into long, deep tirades about the state of mankind, the absurdity of the English language, the differences between Western and Eastern cultures, and all other kinds of bizarre things for fish with human faces to be talking about. Heck, isn’t the fact that a fish with a human face is talking bizarre enough? Anyway, communicating with your Seamen is a frustrating, hit–or–miss affair, and it rarely seems worth the time and effort you’ll have to put into caring for the creatures. If you want real interaction, you’ll have to tickle the Seamen, pick them up, or flick them with a virtual finger. The responses vary (“You wanna open up a can of Seaman whoop–a$$? Do ya? Do ya?”), but at least the Seamen understand your intentions.

Sega certainly doesn’t have to worry about anyone else cornering the spooky market. They’ve got a strangle hold on the weird and oddly obscene genre. Seaman is certainly their crowning achievement. I swear, if this game got any more strange they’d have to lock the creators up in a nice, padded cell. Maybe they should anyway.

The opening of the game is quite odd. I watched the little Seaman mushroomers get eaten by the Nautilus and then destroy that noble beast from the inside out. At about the time the Nautilus started spewing blood, I figured this was one messed up game. By the time the baby Seaman burst forth from the dead creature, I knew it for a fact. I think the manual says something about how you shouldn’t be alarmed by these events because that’s the way Nature is (I don’t plan on ever going outside again).

I’m still amazed at the effort that must’ve gone into creating this piece of software, and the work it must’ve taken to translate it into English. I’m encouraged by the voice recognition programming, as well as Seaman’s adaptive AI. But in the end, Seaman is not much more than a glorified digital seamonkey. If you want an electronic pet, this one ain’t bad, but that’s about all I can say for him — he’s just weird. If you like the whole virtual pet shtick, then check Seaman out. If you’re a fan of misshapen fish creatures that talk (and who isn’t) then I’d at least give the game a rent (and make sure it’s at least a five–day rent). Just remember, you’ve been warned. Whatever madness that enveloped the creators of Seaman will no doubt affect the people that play it!